The Pilgrim's Diary
Ye True-ish Tayle of Scandalous and Horney Behaviours: The Pilgrim’s Diary (October 24, 1621)

Overslepteth this morn. Mine cheap-arsed clock, crafted in the Far East, Cathay to be precyse, hast not kept time nor werked since I poured out threepence for it. Piece of shyte. Cameth we to this Lande to seeketh ye Religious Freedome, not to get Focking Rippedeth Off!
Having lost Ye Providence-Damned Receipt, methinks I am stucke with it. Mark mine words, these Produckts of the Orient being of such poor Qualitye, in years hence ye shalt not see one item mayde in Cathay solde in this land.  No focking way.
Thus I arrived at the Council-Hall layte, and in mine best raiment I had so hurried to don, whilst everyone else had donned their lounging doublets, as this day wast Casual Day, a Facte that had escaped me and which I sorely regretted. Twas late for ye focking Staffe Meeting, then spilleth I tea upon mine focking new white blouse.  Got off to a Shyttey starte and traversed downhill from thence. Crappe.

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